Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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