dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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