she smelled like a LAN party
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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