Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
