thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
