god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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