I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
