It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
