So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I want a musical about memes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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