i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize