Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
