Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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