So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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