I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
