Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
