I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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