maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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