Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
