There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
