Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
