It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
