he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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