I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
