pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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