gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize