Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
