You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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