the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
