i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize