Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
