he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
