drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
ok first of all what the fuck
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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