this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
