Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
