Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize