If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
