So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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