So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
