just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
