Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
