Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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