I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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