i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
