Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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