I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
