Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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