was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
