I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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