dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
