I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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