but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
