so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
