Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
