Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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