kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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