Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
