Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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