it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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