He kissed a someone with a penis
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
