well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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