I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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