i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
