I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize