I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
