you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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